I’ve been doing a lot of contemplating in the past few months, things that bug me aren’t as many as they used to, plus I’ve had a Lasik operation done last May, so guess who is enjoying details without the need to dry out her eyes while wearing lens.
And by the end of this month, my application that’ll help me to make it to where I am supposed to be is going to be submitted, and to Ireland hopefully, I will go. Truth be told I’m a little bit scared but I’m full of positiveness toward the whole process this time. Why, may you ask? because they have placed a huge importance on the major I am aiming for, gathered up my grades and they meet the requirement as well. Unlike the last time, this time “I” am well prepared.
Deep down, I made so many rash decisions when I tried out to get a scholarship the first time around, more like shooting aimlessly, I wasn’t sure what was going on around me, and I wasn’t psychologically equipped. A small amount of pressure can make me restless for days, overthinking my what I thought then as my “last shot at being happy”. I have let go of the reasons why I wanted to go there, one of them is hanging my happiness at being away from the current atmosphere of toxic people when all I did is decreased the amount of time spent with them.
Spirituality wise, a few weeks back I decided to let go of an illusion of what happiness is really consisted of, I realised that choosing to resign to make time for myself to focus on my mental health was the best decision I have ever made in years. I learned tricks on how to empty out my brain of any thought and enjoy stillness, knowing that the thought noise was nothing but a paranoia trigger.
The whole experience made me start ruminating on death as a broad subject, acknowledging that death is inevitable, and it can be a motivation to enjoy the moment or destroy your will to accomplish things in life, the choice is yours to make in the end. Thus, for me it was a motivation, to enjoy the moment with the people I’m close to, and to hope for a better tomorrow.
“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson